The Parent POV from "Inside the House": Tips on the College Search

Calling all parents! Our Office of Admission and Financial Aid has some wonderful staff members who have gone through the college search and application with their children. As folks who have been on both “sides of the aisle” as parent and admission professional they have some advice to share.... 

Susan Brisson, our Director of Admission, says:

"I am a higher education professional – and I have been for over 35 (gulp!) years.  I am also the mom to three truly awesome people who are adult humans now, but at one point in time were college applicants.  My Mom-self is my truest self, and the work of Mom-ing is the most important work I do in the world. So, I had a lot of big feelings and expectations when my kids went through their college search and application processes.  I was sure that I could help them, guide them, make it all better the way I used to when they fell on the playground.  The thing is, though, that I could not do that, nor should I try.  That was the big lesson for me: to check MY feelings and expectations at the door and let them go through this process – not alone necessarily – but independently.  To trust that they could and would ask for help when they needed it, and that there would be other adults who could and would answer their questions honestly. 

So, my best advice to parents of college applicants is to trust that your child will be able to navigate the process independently, and to give them space to do that.  Understand that their self-confidence will be boosted if you show them that you have confidence in their ability to make decisions.  Engage them in conversation, and give them your opinion, but then allow them to make choices and meet deadlines on their own.  We are truly here to help – so let that call for help come directly from your child, however much you may want to send it yourself!"

Dani Beauchesne, our Graduate Assistant, says:

Applying to college can be a stressful time for an entire family. As a mom of two kids in college and one who is a junior in high school, I am in the thick of it. However, with the right approach to the admissions process, it can also be a great time to connect with your teenager and create a bond that will last a lifetime.  

First some practical advice: 

1. Start early! Visiting colleges in your area as a sophomore or junior can be fun and can give students an idea about what type of college is a good fit. Checking out college websites and Instagram pages are a great way to get the vibe of a college. 

2. Be honest about your financial situation with your teen. How will your family be paying for college? Are there any constraints about where they are able to apply? This avoids tough situations later, when expected merit money doesn’t come through.  

3. Encourage your teen to look at lots of different types of schools. Do not get caught up in name brands or where friends are applying.  

4. Start early, again! Ask your favorite teachers at the end of junior year to write your recommendations (don’t forget the thank you note!) Finalize your list and start (maybe finish) your common app essay over the summer. Trust me - you will thank me in the fall of senior year! 

 

Finally, some parent to parent advice: 

5. Trust the process. I promise you. It will all work out and your teen will get into a great college.  

6. Do not manage the process for your teen. Reminding them of deadlines once in a while is okay, but micromanaging will create a stressful relationship with your teen. 

7. Don’t make senior year “all about college”. Check yourself. Make sure you are making other memories with your teen. Bake or cook together. Go for a walk. Watch a show you both love and do not bring up college.  

8. Celebrate the wins of others. Inevitably, other seniors will get into their early schools and your teen might not. Being positive and celebrating others’ success creates an environment of abundance instead of scarcity.  

9. Hug your teen. Make them their favorite treat. Tell them you think they are doing great. They will be away at college before you know it!